I’ve been thinking a lot about caregivers lately and the journey we go through when the person we support and care for passes away.
Last November, a friend who I supported in my home for many years died, prompting me to sort through a wide swath of emotions.
My friend C was part of our household until I retired from caregiving in 2017. After that, we saw each other less often but still connected at celebrations and socially until she passed.
Being a caregiver, whether paid or unpaid, is a profound journey. Caring intimately for a vulnerable person is filled with love, personal growth, commitment, deep reflection, and humbling experiences as we support someone who needs us. Caregivers become an integral part of the fabric of someone’s life, and the person we care for becomes deeply important to us
When someone dies, we grieve their loss
and the many other losses that come with it.
We have shared experiences, challenges, and joys as part of our work life, which is a blessing (experiencing such love in a paid role). With the death of the person, our role as caregiver changes. Caregivers may grapple with guilt during this time of loss as they are grieving not only the loss of an integral person but also the loss of their livelihood. These losses necessitate the redefining of our identities.
This experience can be very isolating. Many times, the caregiving role is misunderstood and, through no fault of anyone, our loss may be minimized or overlooked. Having recently experienced such a loss, I was moved when a friend reached out and asked, “How are you doing?” I hadn’t given myself the time to know how I was doing, and although I had left the caregiver role, the relationship, gratitude, and love still existed. I realized that I needed to acknowledge my own grief and gratitude for my friend and to process it in my own way.
For those of you who have had this experience, it is important to allow yourself to grieve while supporting others around you who have experienced the loss.
Do you have an experience of losing someone you were a caregiver for?
We would be honoured to hear it. Click here to send me an email.
Shelley