I grew up in a fairly typical family in the 60s and 70s. My dad worked. My mom stayed home until us kids were able to fend for ourselves and then went to work at Sears for “fun money.” We had a dog, cats, assorted hamsters and fish tanks. We lived in a safe neighbourhood where everyone watched out for each other. My sister and brother and I went to school every day fed, with clothing that was new (ish), appropriate for the weather and with the knowledge that our home would still be there when we arrived home at 3:30. Our family had struggles like many of that time, but I never felt unloved, unseen or left out. I always felt deeply connected to my parents and particularly to my siblings. I had a group of friends who also loved me as I loved them.
A few weeks ago, I had an experience with a co- worker when after a wonderful meeting and sharing of ideas, she said to me – “Oh how I wish I could hug you right now!” We decided to try an experiment and stood 2 meters apart imagining hugs of the past to see if we could create that same feeling without an actual hug happening. It worked! We both felt that same connection that we would have in pre-COVID hugging days. Within a minute, we could lean on our past experiences and feel the physiological, spiritual and mental benefits of an actual hug!
These days, I find myself leaning so heavily into those memories, experiences and feelings of connections in the past. I catch myself imaging what hugs feel like, what being present with another person in a room feels like and in these times of isolation and physical distancing- my privilege has served me well. I can emulate the feeling of a hug without actually having to engage in one.
Remembering this has deepened my compassion and changed my responses to people who are expressing their grief about the loss of hugging in their lives. I cannot imagine getting through this extraordinary time without this privilege of knowing connection. I am grateful for this privilege (one of many that I experience)
What are some of the ways that you are all showing up in people’s lives or circles?
In what ways are we contributing to people’s experiences of connection?
Written by: Shelley Nessman