The PLAN Family Network met in July to talk about something really important: friendship. We started by reading Elizabeth Alexander’s poem “Praise Song for the Day,” then families shared their experiences about helping their loved ones with disabilities build and keep friendships.
One big theme came up again and again:
It’s not just about making friends, it’s about keeping those friendships going.
Families asked tough questions like “How do we help our loved ones meet people? How do we help them stay connected?” Everyone agreed that good friendships take work, time, and effort from everyone involved.
Many families talked about how hard this work can be. It takes a lot of energy to take care of ourselves and also help our loved ones with their friendships. We all struggle with knowing when to help and when to step back and let things happen naturally.
One family member shared some great advice: “Let the network and support workers help make the relationship connections. Let them walk this path. If they stumble, then help them out.” This reminded everyone that our loved ones need space to learn how to build their own friendships, with us there to support them when needed.
Everyone agreed that real friendships can’t be forced. Volunteering and doing activities in the community can be great ways to meet people who share the same interests. But families also talked about how disappointing it can be when their loved one meets someone with similar interests but the friendship doesn’t develop.
A lot of families brought up concerns about what happens when support workers leave. It’s really hard to watch your loved one get close to a paid supporter, only to have that person leave suddenly or without saying goodbye properly. One family suggested asking a simple question when hiring staff: “How do we want to plan your exit?” This can help make transitions easier and less painful.
The most important point came from a family member who said: “It’s not about what I want for my loved one. It’s about what is working for them.” This is so important to remember – we need to focus on what actually works for our loved ones, not what we hope will work.
During the conversation, families shared some helpful programs and organizations:
Best Buddies UBC connects university students with people who have intellectual and developmental disabilities
Real Talk offers conversations and resources about dating and relationships
Recreational Respite provides community activities across B.C., and
Curiko helps people find inclusive experiences and conversations.
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For families in the Lower Mainland, you’re invited to join our annual PLAN summer pancake picnic on Saturday, August 16, 2025, from 10:00 AM to 12:00 PM at Central Park. You can also join the Burnaby Family Circle on Saturday, July 26, 2025, from 10:00–11:30 AM. For more information, contact Claire Inkster at hello@plan.ca.
If you live outside the Lower Mainland and want to start a Family Circle in your community, we’d love to help you get started. You can reach Shelley at hello@plan.ca or Claire at hello@plan.ca.
The Family Network will take a break in August. Our next online Family Network Conversation will be on Tuesday, September 16, 2025. We’ll share more details in September.
Thank you to all the families who joined our July conversation and shared their stories and wisdom. Your commitment to supporting each other makes our community stronger. We look forward to seeing you again in September as we continue these important conversations about friendship, connection, and community.
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The PLAN Family Network is a place for families to connect, share experiences, and support each other as they navigate life with loved ones living with disabilities. For more information about upcoming conversations and events, visit our website or contact our team directly.